I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
