I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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