...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
