watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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