At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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