Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
