Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
