we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
