So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
