i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
