I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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