people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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