No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
