fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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