just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
