mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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