I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
