you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
