Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
