what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize