therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
