Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
