So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
