Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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