oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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