Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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