i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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