dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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