So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize