she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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