It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
