a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
