Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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