I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
