You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
