i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
