I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
