im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
