You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
