he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
