so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
