Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
