I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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