have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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