Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
