ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
