Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
