you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize