fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
