vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
