I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize