As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
