Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
