She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
