Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
