ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Small penises have feelings too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
