I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
