The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
