shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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