im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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