oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize