you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
