Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
