so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize