Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
