So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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