He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
