My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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