I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
