are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
