this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
