im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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