finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
