We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize