We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
