Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
