I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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