She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
