I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
