If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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