dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
