Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
