I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
