Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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