I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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