I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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