"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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