I'm gonna have a badass scar
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
