I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
